Messi vs Ronaldo, Brazil vs Argentina, Netherlands vs Holland, England vs The World

Forget Messi vs Ronaldo, Brazil vs Argentina, Netherlands vs Holland, England vs The World – there is one battle that is sure to have the pulses racing quicker than a Fifa delegate in a lie detector test – yes, the battle for your eyes.

Now I'm not talking Pamela Ballantine or Gerry Armstrong (and two digits to those of you who thought that a mention of the latter when talking of all things World Cup would be impossible), I am, of course, referring to the clash between BBC and ITV, in all its various guises and formats.
However, a word of warning for those of you wanting to find out more to steer clear of typing the words 'Brazil' and 'TV' into Google as you may find links to pages of quite tall women in strangely colourful outfits, with all sorts of fruit dangling from their heads and hands like a navvy.
Lily Savage will be not be in Rio, but her wee lad, Robbie, will be and so will some football experts, including Rio Ferdinand, which is going to get confusing, and especially so if we cut to Copacabana Beach and he's dancing on the sand. No sign of Sao Paolo Di Canio or Big Samba Allardyce.
So, here is a brief guide to the men (and the odd woman because the BBC is very much an equal opportunities employer with unblemished morals – a bit like FIFA in slingbacks) who will be our guides to the festival of football fun over the next few weeks.
PRESENTERS: The main men are Gary Lineker and Adrian Chiles, both blessed with a childish exuberance and xenophobic zeal, although one of them has scored 48 goals for England and is to be viewed with slightly more kudos as a result. Also, he only says things once, although if the heavens open above the Amazon as happened in Florida on Saturday night when England were drenched in Miami, then the ability to talk drivel for hours could be a godsend. Oh, and Gabby Logan will be there too. Hoora